Take Back the Night continued
THE SECOND THING I THINK WE NEED TO FACE SQUARELY IS THAT IF ANYONE IS CAPABLE OF THIS, ANY OF US IS CAPABLE OF THIS. NIK COULD HAVE BEEN STANDING NEXT TO YOU TONIGHT. YOU MIGHT HAVE MARCHED NEXT TO HIM LAST YEAR. SOMEONE ELSE WITH ANGER IN HIS HEART AND A TROUBLED MIND COULD BE STANDING NEXT TO YOU NOW. I THINK NIK’S BIGGEST FAILURE WAS TO NOT RECOGNIZE HIS OWN DEMONS. WE NOW KNOW THAT NIK HAD A MENTAL ILLNESS THAT HE CHOSE TO COPE WITH IN NON-TRADITIONAL WAYS THAT ULTIMATELY MAY HAVE PUSHED HIM TO THE EXTREME AND UNTHINKABLE ACT OF MURDER. BUT UNFORTUNATELY NIK BECAME WHAT HE DESPISED: CONTROLLING AND PATRIARCHAL. SELFISH AND VIOLENT. HE TOOK AWAY SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL FROM ALL OF US. THE LOSS OF SUE WILL BE FELT FOR YEARS IN OUR COMMUNITIES AND IN OUR LIVES.
WE WOMEN NEED TO BE MORE SELFISH AND CAUTIOUS. I AGREE WITH SUE THAT WE DESERVE TO LIVE IN A SAFE WORLD WITHOUT FEAR. I HOPE THAT ALL OF US WILL COMMIT TO DOING WHAT WE CAN TO MAKE THIS WORLD THAT PLACE. IN OUR OWN LIVES, HOWEVER, I NOW THINK THAT WE NEED TO DEMAND THAT THOSE IN OUR CLOSEST SPHERE OF CONTACT SHOW US THAT SAME RESPECT. WOMEN, PLEASE EXAMINE THE RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR LIFE. DO THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU ALLOW YOU TO BE YOUR BEST? DO THEY VALUE AND CHERISH YOUR STRENGTH? DO THEY ALLOW YOU TO HAVE CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS? DO THEY IN ANY WAY TRY TO LIMIT YOUR FREEDOM AND FREE WILL? ALSO, CONSIDER YOUR FRIENDS. HOW DO THOSE QUESTIONS APPLY IN THEIR LIVES? WE CANNOT CONTROL OTHERS AND WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN CHOICES TO MAKE, BUT I AM NOW LIVING WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I SAW TROUBLE IN MY FRIEND’S LIFE, THAT NOW SHE IS GONE, AND I HAVE TO WONDER IF I DID ALL THAT I COULD. OTHERS HAVE ASSURED ME THAT I DID, BUT THAT QUESTION WILL ALWAYS BE ON MY HEART.
THE LAST POINT I TAKE FROM THIS IS THAT WE ARE A COMMUNITY THAT HAS A HARD TIME ACCEPTING THE REALITY THAT THOSE WHO ONCE LOVED COULD KILL. WHEN SUE’S HOME WAS BURNING, HER CAR WAS ON THE PROPERTY, NIK’S CAR WAS ON THE PROPERTY, A LARGE CLUMP OF HAIR WAS LYING NEXT TO A BLOODY NOTE ON THE FRONT SEAT OF HIS CAR AND HER CLOSEST FRIENDS WERE GIVING TESTIMONY TO THEIR TROUBLED AND FRIGHTENING RELATIONSHIP, THE AUTHORITIES INVESTIGATING THE EVENT STILL FOUND IT MORE PALATABLE TO BELIEVE THAT SUE AND NIK HAD RECONCILED AND TRAVELED TOGETHER IN A THIRD AND NON-EXISTENT CAR. WHILE A PIECE OF PAPER WOULD NOT HAVE PROTECTED SUE FROM NIK’S INTENTIONS, IF SHE HAD BEEN ALLOWED TO FILE A PROTECTIVE ORDER THEN PERHAPS THE POLICE WOULD HAVE HAD A PIECE OF EVIDENCE THAT FIT THEIR PROCEDURES SO THAT WE WOULD NOT HAVE LOST DAYS LOOKING FOR THEM AND WONDERING WHERE THEY WERE AND IF SUE WAS OK. AS IT TURNS OUT, TWO DAYS AFTER THE FIRE, A GROUP OF FRIENDS FRUSTRATED WITH THE INACTIVITY OF THE LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT WENT TO SUE’S HOME TO LOOK FOR CLUES AND FOUND NIK’S DEAD BODY. NONE OF US WERE TRAINED — PERHAPS IT WAS BEGINNER’S LUCK — BUT WITHIN THREE HOURS OF OUR ARRIVAL WE FOUND NIK’S BODY A FEW HUNDRED YARDS BEHIND HER CABIN AND A TRAIL OF TORN PAPER LEADING TO IT. THANKFULLY AT THAT POINT WE WERE ABLE TO PERSUADE THE INVESTIGATORS TO CALL IN THE REINFORCEMENTS OF THE APPALACHIAN SEARCH AND RESCUE VOLUNTEERS WHO LAUNCHED A FULL-SCALE SEARCH FOR SUE AND HAD REMAINS FOUND IN THE CABIN REEXAMINED BY ARCHAEOLOGISTS TO FINALLY DETERMINE THEM TO BE HUMAN. THE FIRST EXAMINATION DETERMINED THEM TO BE ANIMAL. IT TOOK THREE DAYS OF SEARCHING AND WONDERING ABOUT SUE’S WELFARE BEFORE WE KNEW THAT THE REMAINS FROM THE CABIN WERE HUMAN. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO HELPLESS AND USELESS AS I DID THE FOUR NIGHTS BETWEEN SUE’S CABIN BURNING AND THAT DETERMINATION AS I WENT TO BED IN MY WARM HOME AND OWN BED WITHOUT KNOWING IF MY FRIEND WAS ALIVE AND SUFFERING IN THE COLD NIGHT SOMEWHERE.
WE HAVE MANY PEOPLE TO REACH WITH OUR VOICES TONIGHT. I THINK THAT WE OFTEN THINK OF TELLING PERPETRATORS AND POTENTIAL PERPETRATORS THAT WE STAND AGAINST THEIR VIOLENCE, BUT WE HAVE MANY PEOPLE TO EDUCATE THAT WE AS A COMMUNITY ACKNOWLEDGE THIS VIOLENCE, THAT WE ARE WORKING TO END IT, AND THAT WE EXPECT RESPECT, TRAINING, UNDERSTANDING AND RESOURCES TO BE DEDICATED TO IT. WE NEED TO RAISE OUR VOICES TO LET THOSE SUFFERING KNOW THAT WE CARE ABOUT AND SUPPORT THEM. WE NEED TO SHOUT SO THAT THOSE IN A POSITION TO DO THE RIGHT THING WILL. AND IN SUE’S HONOR, IN HONOR OF ALL OF THE OTHER VICTIMS OF VIOLENCE, THE SURVIVORS, THEIR LOVED ONES, AND ALL OF US, WE NEED TO BEAR WITNESS AND TAKE BACK THE NIGHT.
WE WOMEN NEED TO BE MORE SELFISH AND CAUTIOUS. I AGREE WITH SUE THAT WE DESERVE TO LIVE IN A SAFE WORLD WITHOUT FEAR. I HOPE THAT ALL OF US WILL COMMIT TO DOING WHAT WE CAN TO MAKE THIS WORLD THAT PLACE. IN OUR OWN LIVES, HOWEVER, I NOW THINK THAT WE NEED TO DEMAND THAT THOSE IN OUR CLOSEST SPHERE OF CONTACT SHOW US THAT SAME RESPECT. WOMEN, PLEASE EXAMINE THE RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR LIFE. DO THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU ALLOW YOU TO BE YOUR BEST? DO THEY VALUE AND CHERISH YOUR STRENGTH? DO THEY ALLOW YOU TO HAVE CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS? DO THEY IN ANY WAY TRY TO LIMIT YOUR FREEDOM AND FREE WILL? ALSO, CONSIDER YOUR FRIENDS. HOW DO THOSE QUESTIONS APPLY IN THEIR LIVES? WE CANNOT CONTROL OTHERS AND WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN CHOICES TO MAKE, BUT I AM NOW LIVING WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I SAW TROUBLE IN MY FRIEND’S LIFE, THAT NOW SHE IS GONE, AND I HAVE TO WONDER IF I DID ALL THAT I COULD. OTHERS HAVE ASSURED ME THAT I DID, BUT THAT QUESTION WILL ALWAYS BE ON MY HEART.
THE LAST POINT I TAKE FROM THIS IS THAT WE ARE A COMMUNITY THAT HAS A HARD TIME ACCEPTING THE REALITY THAT THOSE WHO ONCE LOVED COULD KILL. WHEN SUE’S HOME WAS BURNING, HER CAR WAS ON THE PROPERTY, NIK’S CAR WAS ON THE PROPERTY, A LARGE CLUMP OF HAIR WAS LYING NEXT TO A BLOODY NOTE ON THE FRONT SEAT OF HIS CAR AND HER CLOSEST FRIENDS WERE GIVING TESTIMONY TO THEIR TROUBLED AND FRIGHTENING RELATIONSHIP, THE AUTHORITIES INVESTIGATING THE EVENT STILL FOUND IT MORE PALATABLE TO BELIEVE THAT SUE AND NIK HAD RECONCILED AND TRAVELED TOGETHER IN A THIRD AND NON-EXISTENT CAR. WHILE A PIECE OF PAPER WOULD NOT HAVE PROTECTED SUE FROM NIK’S INTENTIONS, IF SHE HAD BEEN ALLOWED TO FILE A PROTECTIVE ORDER THEN PERHAPS THE POLICE WOULD HAVE HAD A PIECE OF EVIDENCE THAT FIT THEIR PROCEDURES SO THAT WE WOULD NOT HAVE LOST DAYS LOOKING FOR THEM AND WONDERING WHERE THEY WERE AND IF SUE WAS OK. AS IT TURNS OUT, TWO DAYS AFTER THE FIRE, A GROUP OF FRIENDS FRUSTRATED WITH THE INACTIVITY OF THE LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT WENT TO SUE’S HOME TO LOOK FOR CLUES AND FOUND NIK’S DEAD BODY. NONE OF US WERE TRAINED — PERHAPS IT WAS BEGINNER’S LUCK — BUT WITHIN THREE HOURS OF OUR ARRIVAL WE FOUND NIK’S BODY A FEW HUNDRED YARDS BEHIND HER CABIN AND A TRAIL OF TORN PAPER LEADING TO IT. THANKFULLY AT THAT POINT WE WERE ABLE TO PERSUADE THE INVESTIGATORS TO CALL IN THE REINFORCEMENTS OF THE APPALACHIAN SEARCH AND RESCUE VOLUNTEERS WHO LAUNCHED A FULL-SCALE SEARCH FOR SUE AND HAD REMAINS FOUND IN THE CABIN REEXAMINED BY ARCHAEOLOGISTS TO FINALLY DETERMINE THEM TO BE HUMAN. THE FIRST EXAMINATION DETERMINED THEM TO BE ANIMAL. IT TOOK THREE DAYS OF SEARCHING AND WONDERING ABOUT SUE’S WELFARE BEFORE WE KNEW THAT THE REMAINS FROM THE CABIN WERE HUMAN. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO HELPLESS AND USELESS AS I DID THE FOUR NIGHTS BETWEEN SUE’S CABIN BURNING AND THAT DETERMINATION AS I WENT TO BED IN MY WARM HOME AND OWN BED WITHOUT KNOWING IF MY FRIEND WAS ALIVE AND SUFFERING IN THE COLD NIGHT SOMEWHERE.
WE HAVE MANY PEOPLE TO REACH WITH OUR VOICES TONIGHT. I THINK THAT WE OFTEN THINK OF TELLING PERPETRATORS AND POTENTIAL PERPETRATORS THAT WE STAND AGAINST THEIR VIOLENCE, BUT WE HAVE MANY PEOPLE TO EDUCATE THAT WE AS A COMMUNITY ACKNOWLEDGE THIS VIOLENCE, THAT WE ARE WORKING TO END IT, AND THAT WE EXPECT RESPECT, TRAINING, UNDERSTANDING AND RESOURCES TO BE DEDICATED TO IT. WE NEED TO RAISE OUR VOICES TO LET THOSE SUFFERING KNOW THAT WE CARE ABOUT AND SUPPORT THEM. WE NEED TO SHOUT SO THAT THOSE IN A POSITION TO DO THE RIGHT THING WILL. AND IN SUE’S HONOR, IN HONOR OF ALL OF THE OTHER VICTIMS OF VIOLENCE, THE SURVIVORS, THEIR LOVED ONES, AND ALL OF US, WE NEED TO BEAR WITNESS AND TAKE BACK THE NIGHT.
posted by DMP at 1:58 AM
2 Comments:
This was profoundly moving, Dianna. Thank you for referring me to it and sharing it with me and so many others. I had no idea that all this had happened, and I am saddened to learn about it even though I did not know Sue.
I hope that you continue to find comfort and peace with whatever - and whoever - makes you happiest.
I moved to Blacksburg as a nontraditional student in 2000. I believe it was 2001 when I met Dianna, and of course shortly thereafter, I met Sue. The time I spent around her was limited, but always a pleasure. You didn’t have to be around her long to tell she was a very intelligent and caring person. She was there for support as Dianna and I performed at some open mic’s around town. I had really just gotten acquainted with Sue when school began demanding all of my time. I would occasionally see her around campus. I remember helping her strap a table to the top of her Jeep in the middle a downpour. No doubt she had just finished a social awareness event.
I estimate the total number of times I met Sue at ten or less and the last time I saw her was roughly four years ago. I just discovered recently, 16 months after her passing, that she is no longer with us. A testament to the kind of person she was is the tremendous feeling of loss I experienced when learning of her death… and I barely knew her. I hope all those touched by her presence in this world have found some healing in the time that has passed.
-Paul O.
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